We’re All Different

I’m not a student but I would like to be one.

A few weeks ago I asked my friend Christine if she would show me one of the libraries on the University of Western Ontario’s campus. Christine has a busy work schedule on top of her duties as a student; taking a trip with her to campus was a rare privilege.

I can only describe stepping into the Waldon Library as heaven. A well-lit building full of art, thousands of books, seats and desks everywhere felt too good to be true but I knew it was real. As I stood in wonder at the potential around me I felt completely at home.

Yet I haven’t returned to the Waldon Library because the city bus to campus is too crowded for me to handle. I get so anxious when people stand close to me that I feel like I’m going to die. I have social anxiety, major depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. I live off of the Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) and so I can’t afford a taxi, let alone a car. And if I could afford to take a taxi, I wouldn’t, because that too requires me to be in close proximity to a stranger.

If I could share my experience with educators to teach them about how to support youth with mental illness, I’d like to say that mental illness interferes with everything. It doesn’t matter if you know you need to get out of bed, if you have to go to class, if you need a degree for a stable job in the future; if your illness is interfering with your performance, you can’t reason your way out of it.

And so, instead of returning to the UWO Weldon Library daily, I’m literally counting the days until exam season is over so that the busses are less crowded and I can return to the place that feels like home.

I’m twenty-nine years old. I completed high school at the top of the honour roll but never went to university because of my anxiety. I barely made it out of high school alive.

I love to learn more than anything on the planet. I try to be content with teaching myself all that I want to know, but the older I get the more I realize what a handicap it is not being able to go to university.

If I could share my experience with educators to teach them about how to support youth with mental illness, I’d like to say that mental illness interferes with everything. It doesn’t matter if you know you need to get out of bed, if you have to go to class, if you need a degree for a stable job in the future; if your illness is interfering with your performance, you can’t reason your way out of it.

I spent the first half of my twenties hating myself for having mental illnesses. I told myself that I had no reason to be unhappy, that I should be performing better, that I should be working or in school, but none of that helped. Only facing the reality of my illnesses and treating myself with respect got me to a place where I could function better.

Sometimes it’s the best students who are having difficulties. Perfectionism is one way of coping with the stresses of life.

If a student is missing class, is late on assignments, or has a mental illness interfering with other aspects of school, being hard on them about it is just going to make the problem worse. Also, poor performance at school isn’t the only indicator of problems. Sometimes it’s the best students who are having difficulties. Perfectionism is one way of coping with the stresses of life.

Mental illnesses affect everyone differently. If you know of a student with a mental health issue, ask them what they need. Keep communication open. 

Keep educating yourself on mental illnesses, reading a wide range of material. Open your mind and your heart.

Not all of us learn in the same way, but we can all learn and better ourselves no matter the difficulty.

This blog post is part of CEA’s focus on student mental health, which is also connected to Education Canada Magazine’s student mental health theme issue and a Facts on Education fact sheet on what the research says about effective approaches to improving students’ mental well-being. Please contact info@cea-ace.ca if you would like to contribute a blog post to this series.

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Erin Schulthies

Writer, artist, and mental health advocate across the Internet

Erin Schulthies is a writer, artist, and mental health advocate across the Internet! She writes Read More